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Meditation

I took my second meditation class today. For some, that might not seem like a big deal, but for me–pretty big. Meditation is something I’ve been moving toward for a while, but I’m good at stretching those “for a whiles” out for a good long time. Kind of like taking a piece of string and cutting it in half, then in half again, then again…there’s always another cut you can make without actually getting there.

This class was a pretty obvious choice for me to make–it’s been offered at my yoga studio at least since I started taking yoga classes there. It’s taught on a Sunday morning, at a time when I don’t have to get out of bed too early, but which leaves me plenty of time for the rest of my day. Yoga has been, for me, the best time for getting into some kind of meditative state, and the teachers at our studio are, in my classes at least, calm and easily-paced and not overly spiritual for my pretty non-spiritual taste. So, yes, I should have known that the meditation class and teacher would be a fit for me, too.

Still…I put it off. I found reasons (okay, excuses) not to go. For pretty much all the reasons meditation is supposed to help–the what-ifs, the it-won’t-works, the it’ll-be-this-ways or it’ll-be-that-ways. The taking of the future, which we can’t know for sure, and making a decision about it in the present.

Can I tell you how happy I am that I was wrong?

I like the teacher. Like my favorite yoga teachers, her pacing is just right, her voice suits my ears and my brain, and she approaches the practice with intelligence, imagination, and humor. The times she does talk, the guidance helps me get grounded, and I find that–for the good stretches of time where she’s silent–I’m able to continue. Sure, yeah, my knees are stiff. Yes, my feet fall asleep. I have to shift my body into new positions. My mind is still for brief moments, not so still for a lot of other moments. I have gotten to a mental place that I cant’ quite define–somewhere between a dream state, actual sleep, and…something else? Still trying to figure out whether it qualifies as mindful, not mindful, or–guess what, it doesn’t matter!

But the bottom line is that it’s working.

Step 1, yes. Out of an innumerable number of steps toward…something. A few of which I might make it to, or maybe I’ll just stay happily at Step 1. Right now, though, I’m feeling like I took that first step onto the rocks that lead you across the river, and it didn’t shift under me, I didn’t cut my foot on a sharp edge, and I didn’t fall…splash!…into the water. It’s a nice place to be standing.

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Seriously, It’s Only Tuesday?

So, I know it’s only been four days since Friday, but those days seem to have been packed with, oh…just a lot of busyness, mixed in with a droplet or two of potential chaosity. So I’m taking a few minutes tonight to post a quick blog, reminding myself (okay, and you!) of the things that have been both grounding and happy-making.

1. Taking my first meditation class on Sunday. I’ve been hesitating and procrastinating and delaying and self-distracting, because of all the reasons in my mind-list that the class might not go well. Yeah. Duh. It was wonderful. Not that my knees didn’t ache or my feet didn’t fall asleep or I didn’t do plenty of shifting around on my bolster, but I really liked the teacher’s approach, and I enjoyed and was interested in the mindfulness talk she gave afterward. Next week’s class is already on my calendar.

2. Spending time with my WIP. Over the weekend, I sent off a very messy 1st draft of a picture-book to my critique group, then I stepped back into the world of my MG story. Looked at my plot arc, thought about the critique I got at a recent SCBWI conference, and had one of those THAT-won’t-work moments. I. Did. Not. Freak. Out. Instead, I opened up a brainstorming file, pushed myself past some of the more boring ideas, got into a discussion with my son about the best sequence of whining versus action (in the WIP, NOT in our lives!), and started resequencing some of the stuff in the plot planner. And, all the time, I got to watch my MC getting potentially  more interesting and, very possibly, more middle-grade.

3. Checking on a friend who could have been very not-okay and verified, with my own eyes, that she was truly, yay, okay.

4. Starting Syren, Book 5 in the Septimus Heap series.

5. Doing the occasional online crossword puzzle and listening to the triumphant blast of mini-trumpets when I complete it.

6. Wearing shorts and sandals during the day. Sleeping with the windows open during the night.

7. Remembering that most, if not all, problems can be addressed and modified, if not always solved. And remembering that family and friends are a big part of figuring out how to do it.

How’s your week going. What has made you smile in the past few days or, at least, settle into a place of calm?

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THE ONLY ONES by Aaron Starmer

This book. Wow. I’m not sure I’ve ever wished more to be able to describe the feeling that comes off the pages of a story, the sense, rather than the plot or the characters. Maybe I’m shooting for the voice, but that’s not much easier to explain or talk about than feeling.

I found Aaron Starmer’s The Only Ones by chance, browsing through the e-book pages at my library. I liked the cover, frankly. And it seemed like a middle-grade story, which I’m big into reading right now.

Seemed.

I try not to do the if you liked thing too much, or describe books by comparing them to others. BUT. While I was reading the opening chapters, other books kept popping into my mind. Not because The Only Ones is like any of them, or all of them in combination, or at all derivative of anything. Still, the titles that came to me were…The Phantom Tollbooth. The Little Prince. Lord of the Flies. And maybe the faintest hint of a picture book I read in my childhood, but that was published a couple of decades before I was born–Marie Hall Ets’ In the Forest.

I know, right?

(Okay, yes one other, more recent book, came to mind early on, but I’m not telling you that one here, because it would be a total spoiler. Which I didn’t realize until I finished the book myself. So no spoilers. If When you read the book, if you want to know the last title or share your guess either ask me for the info in a comment and make sure I can contact you, or send me a private message, and I’ll answer. But let’s not ruin it for the others.)

I’ve read a couple of blurbs of the book, and, frankly, I don’t like the way it’s being described. (Hey, you make me fall in love with your book, I’m going to claim partial ownership.) They all jump ahead, past the beginning, which, yes, sure, isn’t all fast-paced and zippity-doo-dah action.  Maybe it feels a little old-fashioned, but only in that it doesn’t feel (here I go again) like any of the books I’ve read that were written in the past few years. Not old-fashioned as in slow, or dense, or starting the story up at cloud-level and waiting forever to come down to earth where the characters are. None of those. Maybe it’s just that Martin, the boy in the story, is very isolated, and the beginning is solely his story, so the voice feels at once very close to him and at the same time very distant from anything else.

Because my least favorite part of writing a “review” is doing the summary, I’ll just link you to the blurb on Starmer’s page. But if your go over and read that, know, please, that so much more happens before Martin finds Xibalba. SO MUCH MORE. And, IMVSHO (in my very strong honest opinion), all of it is critical to the story, to getting to know Martin and all his whys, to getting introduced to the machine so that it’s part of the world before you find out how important it is (and, again, why). In the beginning, for many pages…Martin. Is. Alone. And this matters. It really, really matters. Because Martin is going to change, IN BIG, BIG WAYS, throughout the story, and Starmer has taken the time, given us the time, to understand Martin before those changes.

The book certainly doesn’t start out light or cheerful, but it starts out–I guess I’d say–intact and whole. Martin lives in a world that is, if narrow, understandable. That doesn’t last. The world breaks, Martin breaks, and–oh,boy–the other kids break. So, yeah, sure, it’s middle-grade, but…there is violence. And there is loss. And none of it is tiptoed around or gentled or placed in softly padded bags for us. In the middle of all that reality is some pretty special science-fiction. Maybe. It might be magic. This book is at once more real and less real than anything I can (yet) imagine myself writing.

So far. Because, hoo-boy, if I could write like this…if I could create this solid a world and this powerful a set of happenings and characters this quirky and creative all with a VOICE and a FEEL…

Some day. This is why I write, why I keep at it. And this is so, so why I read.

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The Music of Spring

Okay, no, it’s not your TYPICAL spring music, but when you’re driving around in shorts & sandals on the warmest (so far) day of the year, and this comes on the radio, your car suddenly and magically turns into a convertible…and you’re cruising.

So you roll down the windows and turn up the volume, and you share the music with whoever wants to listen. And you rock out with the music, because you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it all, you’re old enough not to care anymore.

And then this comes on, and you think, wait, that’s not R&B, and then your brain just says, hey, whatever, It’s Spring, and you keep the volume right where you’ve got it, and you bop your head side-to-side, and you keep rolling down the road.

I know many of you are still buried in snow drifts. And all I can do is send the music your way, and remind you of the first glimpses of Spring that Mr. Tumnus and the Beavers saw, the tiny signs that the long, cold winter was ending. I wish you all a Happy Spring and blow warm winds your way.

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E. L. Konigsburg

Today, I heard via Facebook that E.L Konigsburg has died. After the wave of sadness passed, my thought was that she couldn’t have been old enough to die. I know this reaction–it comes from being of middle-age in terms of years and body, but still being connected. by an unbroken thread, to the child who first read an author’s books: E.L. Konigsburg’s. Phyllis Whitney’s. Margot Benary-Isbert’s. The sense that both I and those authors are still, and always will be, the age we were when we first met.

E.L. Konigsburg is one of the authors who I got to read in more than one generation. Of course I read From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler when I was young. Oh, boy, how I wanted to be Claudia. I wanted not only to sleep overnight in the Metropolitan Museum of Art; I wanted not only to be smart enough to set the whole thing up and make it happen; I wanted not only to bathe in the fountain. Mostly, I wanted to have the courage that Claudia had, the drive to do that one very big, very different thing, to take that step and that risk, and to see it through to the end. The search through Mrs. Frankweiler’s files may not be the most adventurous section of the story, it may have a quietness to it that doesn’t involve hiding from museum guards and avoiding the truant police, but it is the scene that completes the story, that most clearly demonstrates who Claudia is and where her power and courage lie.

I’m also pretty sure I read Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth. I seem to remember the witch storyline, but I may be confusing it with one of Zilpha Keatley Snyder’s books, maybe The Egypt Game. Obviously, I have some rereading to do.So many of my favorite books from my childhood were one-offs, or two-offs, authors I found in the Scholastic Book Order Forms, but who either didn’t publish many more books or whom I didn’t track down to discover other titles.   Konigsburg, though, (like Keatley Snyder) was one of the writers I read in the seventies who hung around, who continued writing for the next many years, who not only kept her older books in print, but also wrote new things during the years I stepped away from reading books for children. (Yes, those years actually existed!) And she was one of the authors I rediscovered after I had a son.

I remember reading From the Mixed-up Files to my son. It was one of the books I knew needed to be a read-aloud, because–yes, it had an old-fashioned feel by the time he was old enough for it, and–yes, it was told from the point of view of a girl, and, yes–the boy character wasn’t a sure bet for reader-character identification. But still, I knew, if we just got a ways into it, that my son would like it. And he did. If I remember right, he loved the same things I had, although I didn’t remember all of them. Jamie’s money…that was a wow. Hiding in the bathroom stalls, collecting more money from the fountains. And, yes, Mrs. Frankweiler. She appears, in person, only at the very end, but what a character. What a presence. I have never seen the movie (something else to rectify, but I’ve always thought that Lauren Bacall would have played her perfectly. Just the right amount of high intelligence and curiosity, just the right amount of potential disdain, if you messed up.

And when I reread From the Mixed-up Files with my son, I went on my own exploration, the one I hadn’t done when I was his age. I started reading more of Konigsburg’s books than I had years before. I did read Jennifer, Hecate… I read About the B’nai BagelsUp From Jericho Tel, T-Backs, T-Shirts, COATS, and Suit I read and LOVED A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Minerva.

Some of those books felt like going home. Konigsburg wrote about the sixties and the seventies while she was living in them. Okay, a lot of authors did that. But she wrote about them as though she lived those years as a child. I was not Claudia. I was not Elizabeth. I didn’t live in a big city. I didn’t live in an apartment. I didn’t roam around said big city by myself or with a friend. I didn’t have adventures, and I didn’t take my make-believe much beyond my bedroom or my books. But when I read those books that Konigsburg wrote about the years, I was young, I feel like I am reading about my world at that time. The sixties and seventies are getting play right now in historical novels, and I can accept that. I can even enjoy it. But those stories pick out important details and facts about those years and weave them into the story, to add that historical feel. Konigsburg’s early books are soaked in that time. The kids dress, talk, dream, and act (outside the adventures!) like we did. Their parents sound like ours sounded to us. And, yet, Konigsburg was already in her thirties when she wrote them. Okay, not all that old, no, but still…this is someone who understood the world around her, the world about and in which she was writing. She saw it in the way her audience, her readers, saw it. And, in some ways, she saw it in the way I still do. This is talent. This is writing. 

I’m also pretty sure that Konigsburg broke rules. Not 100% positive, because, as much as I knew at that time that I wanted to be a writer, the only writing rules about which I was acutely aware were the (excellent and still applicable) advice Phyllis Whitney wrote in her books on writing and  the rules about good grammar and spelling that every teacher drummed into me and that I saw in every book I read. I wasn’t thinking much about market at the time, or about what made/didn’t make a children’s book. But, hey, A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Minerva? A dead queen’s point of view on court politics? A book for kids? It didn’t matter, did it? Because E.L. Konigsburg wrote it, and it was good. Her kids were so real. Not just for the sixties and seventies. Her nice kids weren’t always all that nice, and her not-so-nice kids had their surprise moments of nicetude. . Personalities put together in a scene created dynamics. Not only conflict, not just plot-movement, but the very real feel you get when people of different sorts come into a shared space and interact.Everybody had a depth that feels harder to find today, but maybe that’s just nostalgia. Or maybe it’s just forgetting that Konigsburg was so brilliant and comparing her to the mass of writers today, instead of to the equally brilliant ones, of which we definitely have our share

Still. She was just so good. And I will miss her, both as the reader I was then and the one I am today.

R.I.P, E.L. Konigsburg. And thank you.

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Friday Five: Hard to Live in the Moment When…

I know. Living life well and with good mental health is about staying in the now. It’s about not worrying about what’s gone by (which I’m actually okay at) and not spending a whole lot of time thinking about what’s to come. Which, you know, is just the littlest bit hard if you HAVE AN IMAGINATION!

Today’s Friday Five is a quick toss-up of things that are taking my brain into the future, near and far, dropping pictures into my mind about what might be and what exactly those “mights” will look like.

  1. Plot-planning session with my critique group tomorrow. I can picture us all now, planning paper spread out, heads bent, the occasional shout of “Eureka!” along with a celebratory bite of chocolate. Some struggles, I’m sure, but I would also bet on camaraderie, hard work, and lots of inspiration.
  2. The 2013 SCBWI Spring Spirit conference in two weeks. I’ve sent a picture book up for critique, am SUPPOSED to have a one-page synopsis of the new WIP done by then (see #1 above and send power synopsis vibes!). I can see myself listening to Richard Peck do the keynote speech, sitting in awesome workshops, and meeting old and new SCBWI friends. I’m also heading up early on Friday to give myself some tourist time in Sacrament. I may hit the zoo and just commune a little with the giraffes, and/or I  may drop in at The California Museum to see the Ray Eames exhibit. One of my favorite great-aunts (I had and have  many great-aunts of awesomeness) was Charles Eames’ secretary, and I can so imagine the feeling of pride and love and missingness I will feel if there happens to be a photo of her anywhere in the exhibit.
  3. Spring break. Two weeks from now, we’re heading down to So Cal to check out a couple of colleges for our son. I have CDs by George Carlin, David Sedaris, and Terri Gross to keep us entertained, and husband just handed me his Starbucks gift card to stash in my wallet, because–as he says–there’s a Starbucks about every 200 feet on Highway 5, and we might need all of them! I imagine long stretches of silence in the car, mixed up with laughter and math and philosophy. I can see us on campuses, but only theoretical ones, because I’ve never been to the schools we’re looking at, and our son’s response (and ours) to each one is an open book right now. Which, as we all know, is a good thing.
  4. Summer vacation. Yes, you’re seeing a trend. One thing about going back to work–all of a sudden, vacations take on a whole new meaning again. Going away takes on a whole new meaning. We’ve decided on Ashland for the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. I’ve been, but husband and son haven’t, and we all love Shakespeare. Plus life is feeling just a little bit like, hey, two more summers and then…College. Son moving out. CHANGE. (see #5 below). What can I imagine? Us all coming in and out of whatever lodging I find, together and independently, because now we’re all old enough to do our own thing and then join together for a play or four. I can see husband and I jabbing each other simultaneously at some moment of THE TAMING OF THE SHREW, and all of three of us making judgments on whether this MIDSUMMER NIGHTS DREAM got Puck right or not.
  5. College. I know, I know, that’s WAY in the future. Not so much, it doesn’t feel like. Besides, I can worry/think ahead with the best of them, as far out as you can follow. And this is the one that stretches/challenges my imagination, as it probably should. I can see myself in the house, with Son miles away–who knows how many. I can see husband and I hanging out and, of course, talking about our son. I can see myself adding hours to work, hours to writing, and hours to yoga, and then coming home from it all and calling or texting my son to “hear” his voice for a minute or two/a line or two. I can worry and I can dream. And, yeah, as long as it doesn’t get out of control, I’m allowed to do it all.

Because, yeah, that’s what imagination is for.

Leave me a comment and finish of the line in the post title. “It’s hard to live in the moment when…” What’s coming for you that is lighting up your imagination?

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Planning a Plot Planner

I know, really? THAT organized. Well, no…more like a way to get past (around?) my fears about this kind of organization.

I have been lucky enough to know Martha Alderson, author of The Plot Whisperer: Secrets of Story Structure Any Writer Can Master, for many years. Lucky enough to have lived in the same town, to have shared a critique group with her, to have attended several workshops and plot-planning sessions with her. And I can tell you this–if you haven’t already figured it out for yourself: Martha knows her stuff. I have been amazed over and over, as I show Martha the work I’ve done on a story plot so far, only to watch her get a questioning look on her face, point her finger at a very specific spot, and say, “But what about X?” Bingo! Martha’s ability to spot the gaps, to zero in on what is missing or what goes off in the wrong direction, is fantastic.

But here comes my confession. The Plot Planner intimidates me. I’m not quite sure why–I have worked happily, many times, with the other big structural piece of Martha’s program–The Scene Tracker. Possibly, that clicks with my brain more because it’s linear: scene by scene by scene. I’m linear, in many ways. As a reader, no; I can jump around and make connections and tell you where an event was seeded, where the layers come in, how it builds to its own particular crisis–just try me. But as a writer…scene by scene by scene makes me happy. I’ve always felt a little bad that the Plot Planner and my brain didn’t synch up better.

Until I was reading through The Plot Whisperer book the other night and came across these words: …if [when you see a plot planner,] you scowl and fold your arms across your chest, sense yourself turning pale, or feel as if your eyes are popping out of your head, you are probably a right-brained, character-driven writer.”

Hey, I don’t think I’ve ever actually folded my arms across my chest. Okay, well, maybe. But I do panic a bit at trying to figure out which scenes  go where, how I can write neatly enough on a little sticky note to get my scene point across in just a few words, how I don’t end up with all my notes indicating passive, contemplative moments below the line.  Once again, Martha gets it. I’ve talked a lot on this blog about how much I love plot, adore structure, crave the little buckets into which to pour the words. BUT…I’m pretty sure that’s because plot does not come naturally to me, and because–consequently–I’ve spent too much time rambling around all that happy character stuff without getting anywhere. I don’t like not getting anywhere. As a reader, I’ve gotten more needy of plot, but for decades, you could hand me a pretty storyless book and I’d lose myself contentedly in all the character stuff. It’s why I can read a mystery novel for the third time and still not remember whodunnit. Russian novels? Read them for almost a decade, because…character. My favorite scene in The Secret Garden? Mary’s massive tantrum at Colin. Character. *Insert a few measures of Barbra Streisand’s People*

Anyway, what am I going to do about this? Well, I’m already doing it. A week or so ago, on Facebook, Catherine Meyer and Cheri Williams were posting photos of their plot-planning session. A session they did TOGETHER! My brain said…WOW! Plot-planning with friends! With other writers who know your pain story. With other writers who– when you lag–will give you a hug, a piece of chocolate, a few good brainstorming questions, and then kick you in the butt to keep going. ALL. HAPPY. DAY.

I ran it by my critique group. Unanimous YEAH. We’ve got a date set up. We know we might not get through our entire stories in that day, but we’re committed to working focused and long, and to scheduling another session if we need to get through to The End. We know things will change from what we write onto our Plot Planner: early plots are flexible and fluctuating (aha! Perhaps another root of my fear?). But we’re getting together, and we’re getting started.

And I’m not quite so intimidated.

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A Life with At Least a Little Bit of Magic

For the past few years, I’ve started decorating my office space. Or maybe I’ve just started collecting. Mostly, they’re plush figures: about 95 percent are fictional, like one of the Wild Things and my Ernie & Bert dolls. Some are just slightly more real; on one shelf Jane Addams and Will Shakespeare sit next to each other, chatting about something. Don’t you wish you could actually hear that conversation?

But I have a few…things…that don’t fit the theme. They’re small, and in the days of CRT monitors, they’re the kind of collectible that would have sat on top of your monitor. In fact, that’s where my group did live. Now that my monitor has no top, they sit on the base. I like to have them there when I’m sitting at my desk–I don’t know if they actually inspire me to write or not, but I can pick them up and fiddle with them while I think. Or I can look at them and think about where they came from…what they mean.

Here’s a picture of the current gang.

totems

The turtle on the left with the #1 medal was made by my son when he was much younger, reminding me about the tortoise and the hair and reminding me as well to have patience with my sometime slow speed. The UCSC banana slug, also made by my son, is…well, he’s the mascot for UC Santa Cruz, and he is a reference to the first novel I finished and finished well. Despite (because of?) the tortoise speed.

And the bear fetish, I wrote about here.

Today, I was shopping in town, and I found a little guy I want to sponsor for membership in the monitor-base club.

flying pig

Cute? Pretty darned.  I think he looks a bit like a cross between Wilbur, on the day Fern first fell in love with him, and one of the Catwings felines. He was in a basket of other figurines at the store, but he “jumped” right out at me. Maybe it was the copper color, maybe the wings, maybe the sparkle. But, basically, he said one word to me: Magic.

Because, you know, pigs are really never going to be what you’d call aerodynamic.

Magic is something I want and need in my life. I’ve been in such a better mood about my writing since I made the decision to lay aside the YA historical and start on my new MG idea instead. (Forehead slap: When I think about it, I’ve been happiest EVERY TIME I started writing a MG book. Double-DUH!) Writing has started to feel like magic again, with the storyline and the characters and the words coming from I know not where. And, honestly, if you’d told me six months ago that this change would make me so much happier, I might have snorted and said something like, oh, I don’t know…”Yeah, when pigs fly!” Hello?

So, yes, my little Pigwings character is moving into his new home beneath the monitor. He’ll be another one I curl my hand around, run a finger over his carvings, look at and smile while I let my mind wander to good places.

I think the other guys will welcome him.

How do you decorate your writing space? What’s right in front of you while you work, unavoidably in your line of sight…except for those moments, of course, where you’re completely blind to your physical surroundings, seeing only story?

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Where Baby Steps Will Get You

I’m sure there’s a writing metaphor/moral in this story somewhere. I might wrap it up at the end, or I might let you take it away yourself. We’ll see when I get there.

I have never been an active person. I don’t like exercise. Those two sentences are pretty much the understatements of the millenium. The only way I like walking is with a friend, when we’re talking the whole time, or with a book on the treadmill. Honestly, I don’t even like that–I’ll do it if I have to. Sometimes.

I have fallen in love with yoga in the past couple of years, but my favorite classes & poses are still the ones you do ON the mat. As in sitting or lying on the mat. Not standing. Yoga clears my head and lets me meditate in a way I can’t yet get to when I’m just sitting still. So I guess there you have it–the one place I want to be more active than not. In meditation. Yeah, that’s SO right.

Anyway, last summer, I hurt myself a bit. In a yoga class. Because my brain went wonky, and I ignored when the teacher advised us to get props. I pretty much get out the props BEFORE a teacher tells me to, so I don’t know what was going on with me that day. It’s like I tell my son about books/movies: You know, when the hero gets cocky, the bad thing is about to happen.

Anyway, it wasn’t a big deal, but I didn’t really deal with it, and it didn’t go away. So finally, late fall, I went to my doctor and we started on PT. It took us all a while to figure out where exactly I’d hurt myself (apparently, I’m special in yet another way!), but we got there. Meanwhile, my physical therapist, who–luckily–I love, had me doing exercises.

Let’s back up a bit. “I have never been an active person. I don’t like exercise.”

Now I knew this about myself. But, boy, did I come face to face with it those first few weeks.

I couldn’t do the first exercises my PT assigned me. Not just because I was hurt, but because I had no stabilization muscles–if I’m saying that right. At the same time as my body is the least flexible on the planet (see above referenced yoga classes for proof), it seemed to want to flail itself all over the place without any stop points. To put it in mechanical terms, I apparently had no limit switches. For one exercise, I was supposed to rotate my knee out until I felt my hip start to rotate with it. Felt? I had no clue what my hip was doing, and I could pretty much only tell what my knee was doing by watching it. So no limit switches, and no wiring between my brain and my body to let me send and receive messages. Did we back up to before the beginning. We did. Did we figure out which baby steps would even work for me? We did. (Did I mention that I love my PT? I did.)

I am SO not the perfect client. Lucky for my PT, I like being there & having her work on me. I like the massage and I like the heat and whatever those little electrodes are. I think I’m pretty cheerful. But do I do the exercises every day? I do not. Do I do them as slowly and carefully as I’m supposed to? Okay, sometimes. Do I relax into the moment with them and concentrate on what I’m doing? Hell, no. I listen to whatever distracting program I can find on an NPR podcast. If you thought most exercises were boring, let’s get you started on PT exercises. Remember Joanne Worley? BOOOOOORRRRIIING!

But I keep doing them. I take a day off or do the ones that don’t take props or get a few in while I’m on the mat waiting for yoga class to start. Yes.

Now here’s the thing. When I first started PT, I stopped yoga. I know, I know, but it’s the scheduling thing and the coordination thing. I knew I needed to concentrate on the exercises for a bit, till I got them down. I knew i needed to do them regularly, and I knew I was (and am) capable of using a yoga class as an excuse NOT to do the exercises on any given day. Plus, some of the yoga poses were starting to hurt enough that I was a bit scared to do them. My yoga studio was wonderful and put my membership on hold for a couple of months, so I could get a grip on things.

And I’ve been doing  the exercises. As well as I’m going to do anything like this.

My hip still hurts. Not as much. I’m still at PT. And I’m back at yoga. And here’s what these baby-stepping exercises have done.

  • I have some stomach muscles. Okay, you can’t see them, but I can.
  • I can touch my toes. I have never been able to touch my toes. Sure, my knees are slightly bent, but we’re talking slightly. And comfortable. I was lucky to get to my shins before, and that was not comfortable.
  • I can sit with my back straight (okay, pretty straight) and my legs straight out in front of me, and my legs don’t have to roll out to the sides and  the back of my knees do touch the ground. Seriously. This is huge, people.
  • And…today, my PT upgraded me on one exercise. The one where I rotate my knees out and stop. I was doing that on my back, with my feet flat on the ground She moved me up to doing it with my feet in the air and my knees bent at a 90-degree angle. But here’s the thing–I’d been doing it visually. Remember? I couldn’t feel when my knees got to the right place, so I had to watch. This morning, I didn’t watch. I rotated my knees out to where I thought I felt my hip start to go with it, and I stopped. And I asked my PT if that was right. Well, yes, it was! You can retrain your brain, hotwire new signals, fire up synapses you thought didn’t exist…even at my age. Even when you haven’t been “an active person.” Even when you “don’t like exercise.”

And, yeah, so, the metaphor. If we can do this with our brain for our body, our health, our fitness…what can we do with it for our writing?

The power of baby steps. Along with a dash of stubbornness.

Get out there and change something, people. You can do whatever you want. And, sometimes, even the boring stuff will pay off.

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Friday Five: Because I’m Busy

Okay, I know I said I’d try to avoid totally relying on the Friday Five meme for my at-least-once-a-week post, but…deadline looming next week, and I can see it’s an FF or nothing today! Plus, it’s been the kind of week with lots of seemingly random and disconnected things and thoughts, without any overall theme. So for today, you get…

1. I love the concept of Staycations. I forgot who I first heard the term from, but it delighted me then, and it is delighting me today. Next week is Son’s winter break, and the thought of juggling work and his transportation felt like a lot. Plus, I have a writing deadline at the end of next week that is going to be totally doable without my work-work getting in the way and that was feeling not doable if I didn’t shift things around. Still working on balancing all the things that make me happy in life. (Anyone have a clue as to when we get past the working and to the actual balance?!) So I am officially OFF work from today on, and I am officially ON revision. Which was a little nervous-making when I thought about it, not being able to remember the last uninterrupted chunk of writing/revision days, but as of today is feeling just…right. Focus is in, things are pulling together, choices are making themselves clear, and the writing changes are happening.

2. When one of your favorite authors emails you a quick note that she’s sending you a “something,” you basically nod, say thank-you-ahead-of-time, then kind of carry around the glow of anticipation. The total exception to my rule of not usually being crazy about surprises.

3. There are so many differences when your teenager gets sick (a mild, early-caught bout of bronchitis), as opposed to when he was a little tot. He can stay home alone, if need be, with a handy cellphone and the more-than-willing-to-cuddle cat. In fact, he’s probably darned glad to be left alone for a while. He can actually tell you how he’s feeling. He can get that it takes a while to feel better. Still, though, there’s still a few jobs for Mom, like spreading the PB&J, cutting the sandwich in half, and pouring the big glass of cold milk. Ages and stages, people, with little threads of continuity.

4. We’ve had warmth the last few days. I know Mother Nature probably has some surprises left for us, even out here in California, and I know, too, that we haven’t received anywhere near the amount of rain we actually need. But I have truly enjoyed the pleasure of walking in the sunshine, sitting in a car that isn’t ice-cold, and walking barefoot through the house for even a few minutes.

5. I wrote a scene on the new MG and sent it off to my critique group. A scene? A few short pages. A couple of moments in time. A blip. But one that made me smile and feel connected to the story that is waiting out there for when this other deadline is past. No clue if I got onto the page any of the things I’m in love with about this idea, but you know what? I. Do. Not. Care.

Happy Friday, all, and Happy Weekend!