I took my second meditation class today. For some, that might not seem like a big deal, but for me–pretty big. Meditation is something I’ve been moving toward for a while, but I’m good at stretching those “for a whiles” out for a good long time. Kind of like taking a piece of string and cutting it in half, then in half again, then again…there’s always another cut you can make without actually getting there.
This class was a pretty obvious choice for me to make–it’s been offered at my yoga studio at least since I started taking yoga classes there. It’s taught on a Sunday morning, at a time when I don’t have to get out of bed too early, but which leaves me plenty of time for the rest of my day. Yoga has been, for me, the best time for getting into some kind of meditative state, and the teachers at our studio are, in my classes at least, calm and easily-paced and not overly spiritual for my pretty non-spiritual taste. So, yes, I should have known that the meditation class and teacher would be a fit for me, too.
Still…I put it off. I found reasons (okay, excuses) not to go. For pretty much all the reasons meditation is supposed to help–the what-ifs, the it-won’t-works, the it’ll-be-this-ways or it’ll-be-that-ways. The taking of the future, which we can’t know for sure, and making a decision about it in the present.
Can I tell you how happy I am that I was wrong?
I like the teacher. Like my favorite yoga teachers, her pacing is just right, her voice suits my ears and my brain, and she approaches the practice with intelligence, imagination, and humor. The times she does talk, the guidance helps me get grounded, and I find that–for the good stretches of time where she’s silent–I’m able to continue. Sure, yeah, my knees are stiff. Yes, my feet fall asleep. I have to shift my body into new positions. My mind is still for brief moments, not so still for a lot of other moments. I have gotten to a mental place that I cant’ quite define–somewhere between a dream state, actual sleep, and…something else? Still trying to figure out whether it qualifies as mindful, not mindful, or–guess what, it doesn’t matter!
But the bottom line is that it’s working.
Step 1, yes. Out of an innumerable number of steps toward…something. A few of which I might make it to, or maybe I’ll just stay happily at Step 1. Right now, though, I’m feeling like I took that first step onto the rocks that lead you across the river, and it didn’t shift under me, I didn’t cut my foot on a sharp edge, and I didn’t fall…splash!…into the water. It’s a nice place to be standing.