Warning: This post will be a little mushy.
We had a great Xmas. We went to my sister-in-law’s house, out in the high dessert, which mean long drives down and up Highway 5, but also great views of desert landscape littered with Dr. Seuss trees. I stayed lazy while others went out on photo shoots and geocaches, talked with my nieces, played Trival Pursuit, and ate a LOT of candy and cookies.
And I got many wonderful presents.
I want to talk about one in particular.
In case you can’t see it well, it’s a bear fetish from a very cool shop in town, one that sells lots of Native American art. I’ve drooled over these bears for years, but they were one of those things I just wasn’t going to buy for myself (I know, silly!). In my head, I think this little bear was something I would never have. Only, until Xmas morning, I hadn’t realized that.
My son bought this for me. His high school is an open campus (oh, yes, he does love that fact!), and the store is within easy walking distance. I had never mentioned to him how much I loved these fetishes or the bears in particular, although I do have another little pottery bear that a friend got me years ago. Without me knowing, he bought the bear and brought it home. When I saw the wrapped box under the tree, I was sure it was something he’d built or written or drawn, which–obviously–would have been great and made me happy. My imagination never went anywhere near the bear.
When I opened the box, the tears just about came. I flashed through amazement and delight and gratitude and pride and shock. And then happiness. And these words came out of my mouth:
“This bear is going to get me an agent.”
Huh? What was THAT about? Okay, yes, I know what that wish is about, but what did it have to do with the bear?
It took me a day or so to put it all together. And here’s what I finally understood…The bear is about possibility.
The bear is something I was never going to get. And yet–here it was.
It’s been a long year. You all know the feeling. You keep writing and making progress and trying not to look at the calendar and think how long it’s been or how long it’s still going to be. And you know, deep down, that you’re going to be doing this no matter what, because you love it and there’s nothing else like it.
But still…sometimes the feeling of possibility starts to fade.
Until something happens to bring it back. Like your son goes out on his own and buys you the thing he didn’t even know you really wanted. And gives it to you on Xmas morning.
I’ve been thinking about my New Year’s post, which you’ll see soon. And it’s going to be a lot more upbeat than it might have been. Because I’ve remembered that, whatever does happen in 2011, agentwise or otherwise, the year will contain possibility. And that’s the important thing.