This Year’s Xmas Present

Warning: This post will be a little mushy.

We had a great Xmas. We went to my sister-in-law’s house, out in the high dessert, which mean long drives down and up Highway 5, but also great views of desert landscape littered with Dr. Seuss trees. I stayed lazy while others went out on photo shoots and geocaches, talked with my nieces, played Trival Pursuit, and ate a LOT of candy and cookies.

And I got many wonderful presents.

I want to talk about one in particular.

In case you can’t see it well, it’s a bear fetish from a very cool shop in town, one that sells lots of Native American art. I’ve drooled over these bears for years, but they were one of those things I just wasn’t going to buy for myself (I know, silly!). In my head, I think this little bear was something I would never have. Only, until Xmas morning, I hadn’t realized that.

My son bought this for me. His high school is an open campus (oh, yes, he does love that fact!), and the store is within easy walking distance. I had never mentioned to him how much I loved these fetishes or the bears in particular, although I do have another little pottery bear that a friend got me years ago. Without me knowing, he bought the bear and brought it home. When I saw the wrapped box under the tree, I was sure it was something he’d built or written or drawn, which–obviously–would have been great and made me happy. My imagination never went anywhere near the bear.

When I opened the box, the tears just about came. I flashed through amazement and delight and gratitude and pride and shock. And then happiness. And these words came out of my mouth:

“This bear is going to get me an agent.”

Huh? What was THAT about? Okay, yes, I know what that wish is about, but what did it have to do with the bear?

It took me a day or so to put it all together. And here’s what I finally understood…The bear is about possibility.

The bear is something I was never going to get. And yet–here it was.

It’s been a long year. You all know the feeling. You keep writing and making progress and trying not to look at the calendar and think how long it’s been or how long it’s still going to be. And you know, deep down, that you’re going to be doing this no matter what, because you love it and there’s nothing else like it.

But still…sometimes the feeling of possibility starts to fade.

Until something happens to bring it back. Like your son goes out on his own and buys you the thing he didn’t even know you really wanted. And gives it to you on Xmas morning.

I’ve been thinking about my New Year’s post, which you’ll see soon. And it’s going to be a lot more upbeat than it might have been. Because I’ve remembered that, whatever does happen in 2011, agentwise or otherwise, the year will contain possibility. And that’s the important thing.


  1. I think you did quite well for yourself in 2010 with the publication of the Survival Guide. And I predict great things for you next year too. So cool about the bear!

    To possibilities!


  2. nrhatch says:

    In uncertainty, lies all possibility!

    Hope you gave your son a great big bear hug. 🙂


  3. Great story! I love the beauty of possibility. Here’s to a fabulous 2011, and a celebration of all that is possible!


  4. Beautiful post, Becky. Really!

    Happy New Year full of possibility. Over at Write Free we’re calling it the year of “spaciousness”–meaning that there be room for everything you want to do on top of all that has to be done.



  5. Terri Thayer says:

    Awww…what a kid.

    From your lips, etc. This will be a great year for sure!


  6. claudine says:

    Wonderful story, Becky. Just the best. Put this in your autobio, will you?
    Made me cry, you little rascal.
    I believe in Kismet (or the hand of God as I see it), and that bear, and it’s message, were just meant for you. And from your son, how very special.
    I think I’ll snitch your word (possibility) for my theme this year.


  7. Loved this story — thank you for sharing it.

    Here’s to 2011, and to reaching up and grabbing stars! May we all find our little bears of possibility 🙂


  8. Kelly Fineman says:

    This post made me cry, Becky. I hope you told at least some of this to your son and/or that he reads it. How really, truly lovely. And I hope that bear brings you your agent.


    • beckylevine says:

      Kelly, I hope it was the good kind of crying! 🙂 I think the bear has already done his real job, but I certainly won’t be waving a big “no” flag at any agents who call!


    • beckylevine says:

      Oh, and I pretty much always ask him when I’m going to blog about him, and then he often reads it. He did read this one–when he got to the part about the agent sentence, he said, “Yeah, what WAS that?!” I told him to keep reading. 🙂


  9. Jenn Hubbard says:

    Yes, it’s that feeling: something that always happens to other people suddenly happens to you.


  10. Ahhh…this was sweet. Possibilties. Your little new bear is about making possiblities happen. Very cool! And neat that your son was a part of this story.


  11. Laura Best says:

    Becky, your post made me smile and warmed my heart. Thanks for reminding me that the world is filled with endless possibilities!


  12. Oh, Becky. I’m starting to catch up on reading on all my favorite blogs and what a perfect place to start.

    What a beautiful post. Your son is made of awesome. Sweet, sweet bear. And yes, you will get an agent!


  1. […] And the bear fetish, I wrote about here. […]


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