Why I Want Hilary Clinton to Win

Quick note, in case you missed it, the title is not about why I’m voting for Hilary. A week or so ago, Kurtis Scaletta wrote an excellent post about his reasons for voting for Clinton, but that’s not where I am. Yet. Or not yet.

I still haven’t decided. Luckily, or unluckily, out here in California, I still have time. I’m going to watch some more debates, I’m going to read more posts and articles like Kurtis’–both about Clinton and Sanders, and I’m going to think. A lot. (I’m also going to give myself breaks from thinking about this, because frankly I need them.) And I can tell you one thing: I WILL VOTE IN THE GENERAL ELECTION FOR WHICHEVER ONE OF THEM WINS THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION, BECAUSE COME ON, PEOPLE, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE OTHER CHOICES?

Anyway, this post is about the fact that, given all my reasons for voting for one or the other of the two Democratic/Socialist candidates, there is a massively huge part of me that really wants Hilary Clinton to win.

Yes, because she’s a woman. And because, while I may not agree 100% with the preferences Courtney Enlow expressed in her ALL-CAPS EXPLOSION, I do agree with her anger and disgust and frustration at all the crap that’s being thrown at Clinton, yes, because she’s a woman, and at the fact that some people are still accepting that crap as okay. (And, yes, I’m looking very closely at my own vacillation to see if there’s any crap at its roots.) I am in complete sympathy with Enlow’s CAPS and her swearing, because, holy moly, people, it’s 2016, and it is BEYOND TIME that we have a woman president. It is BEYOND TIME that we are capable of electing a woman, of not giving her a hard time for needing to use the restroom during a debate, of recognizing that part of the reason she is the way she is is that SHE HAS HAD TO BE to get where she is.

I want us to be there so badly it hurts. Not just for me, but for older women in my  life who have waited even longer for us to get there, who see us on the cusp–FINALLY!!!–of something so important, and get to watch us being all, whoa….wait a minute…whoops…not yet! What Gloria Steinem and Madeleine Albright said about and to younger women was wrong, wrong, wrong. It was dismissive and petty and, I think, pretty immature, and I would  like to think that SOMEDAY we will understand that feminism is supposed to give women equal CHOICE as one of our equal RIGHTS. I make no excuses for either of them, but…do you know how long they have been fighting for this? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG? Is it any wonder they slipped?

So why am I not sure about my vote? Lots of reasons, and I think (and hope) that my reasons are about the individuals, not the gender. I may end up voting for Hilary Clinton because she is experienced, competent, whip-smart, and will, I know, hold the line for me on most of my biggest issues, even if I don’t think she will push other (also important) issues as far as I want her to. I may end up voting for Bernie Sanders because he shares more of my ideals and because this country does need a revolution, and because, hey, I would be almost as happy to see the first Jewish atheist in the white house as I would be to see the first woman there. I may vote for Sanders even if I don’t think he has enough of a plan to make much of his stuff happen.

Like I said, I don’t know. I don’t know yet how I’m going to vote. What I’m coming to realize, though, is that even if I do end up voting for Bernie, and even if he wins, I’m not going to be completely happy. I will be amazed, stunned, celebratory, probably even jubilant. But I will also be disappointed, angry, frustrated beyond belief, and most likely in miserable tears.

And ain’t that just rainbows and unicorns?