Posted in Uncategorized

My 2014 Theme: Staying Open

Laura Purdie Salas started me on this a few years ago–each year, she sets a theme for her year, rather than making a list of resolutions. I love this, possibly because I hate resolutions, but also because I think it makes a nice turning of the calendar page. Not what do I want to DO this year, but how do I want to be. And I think that picking a theme kind of gives a nod to the past year, maybe things I learned about myself or about life in general.

This year, I think that’s true. I have certainly spent more time meditating this past year than ever before and more time trying to be okay with the fact that I can’t control all the things I would like to control. Maybe even thinking that, actually, I wouldn’t like to control them–because controlling, even when you manage it, takes up so much energy and creates so much stress. So I could make this year about letting go. Or I could, as I’ve been thinking the past few days, make it about embracing and welcoming change.

Because here’s the thing about 2014: Lots of change coming. Assuming multiple creeks don’t rise, here’s what’s in the forecast for us.

  • The boy will choose and start attending some college.
  • The husband and I, starting in Autumn, will essentially be a twosome again. Well, okay, a twosome plus a cat and a bird. While I think we’ll be more than okay, and we’ve always enjoyed being a twosome before, there’s no question things will be…different than the last time.
  • I will get a new job somewhere and work full-time again.
  • I will try to avoid/balance the conflict that sometimes arises between the writing I want to do and the writing I want to have done.
  • I will start exercising a body that, while it seems to be less injured than it was a month ago, will no doubt take continued attention and gentleness.

This past week, I’ve been feeling pretty good about all these things, even the college part, because the boy seems to be ready to take this next step. So, yes, I could go with Embrace Change or Welcome Change. But even those themes feel a bit…controlling.

So I’m going with Staying Open. I mean, look at that list. Every single item on it could go so many different ways. Obviously, I’m hoping for happy ways and I certainly don’t want to think too much about negatives. But if I were even to start writing all the good things that could happen to the boy in terms of college, I’d be writing down a huge range of possibilities. And while I’m excited about all this change today, I’m sure there will be days when it feels like it’s happening too fast, or turning a corner I wouldn’t have chosen. I’m not sure whether I’m not ready to actively embrace all that, or whether it might actually be a mistake to turn away from feelings that don’t necessarily meet happy-dancing standards.

So this year, I’ll be trying to observe what happens and how I respond to it and how my responses fade and change. And choosing to allow all the events and feelings and try not to cling too strongly to them or push them away with too much anger. I don’t expect to get even close to perfection. But the theme, as I understand it from Laura’s posts, is about how we’d like to be, a way we’d like to live. And this seems like a year of changes to which I’d like to stay open.

Are you picking a theme for this year? I’d love to hear about it? Or, if you really love resolutions, pop those into the comments, too.

Posted in Uncategorized

Steamrolling Toward 2014

A couple of months ago, I said to myself, “You really have to clean out your office.” Yes, a couple of months ago. And until yesterday, that “have to” hadn’t added up to doing anything. Even with all the motivation of reading Kelly Fineman’s posts about cleaning out her entire house.

Yesterday, it hit. After a week of prepping for Xmas and doing the whole holiday tidy, cook, and putter thing, I had apparently had enough of moving slowly and leisurely through life. I guess it dawned on me that we are less than seven days away from 2014, and I don’t want to enter that new year with…clutter. I get this way every now and then. It’s not the hidden mess that gets to me–the files behind closed doors that I know need to be purged, the extra office supplies tucked away where I can’t see them. It’s the piles. The shelves that don’t have room for a new book (or a new Xmas-present plush Tardis that lights up and makes that awesome parking-brake-is-still-on noise). The corners where you shove tuck all the things you don’t have a place for, and you tell yourself they’re out of the way, not taking up floor space, not getting in your way of doing anything.

Except they do. When you walk into your office/writing space, and there’s the slight sensation that even one of our smaller California earthquakes might send things tumbling around you, when things just look two crowded, too sloppy, too full, then it does–I believe–affect how well you get things done. And in 2014, I have things to get done. I’ve got a son to support in the last steps of the first steps of his college journey. I’ve got several writing projects that need to reach Done and get out the door and on their way to Actual Possibility. And I’ve got a new job to find. When January lands, I want to step into it with shiny, sleek rollerblades (you know, the ones that don’t go TOO fast, that have a really good braking system, and that won’t send me crashing into some cement wall somewhere), and..GO.

So, yesterday, I took two hours. I pulled down all the CDs, sorted into “want” and “don’t want,” and started ripping. I will have two bags of them to sell at the used book/music store. I re-organized and purged and created the magic of three empty file drawers.

Well, almost empty!

alicedrawer

I took the pile of old totes and bags that are too shredded and disgusting to go out in public anymore, got rid of them, and replaced them all with the lovely totebag of literary quotes that my sister got me for Xmas. With the library books in it that need to go back next week. I started a Goodwill pile. I started a bag of books to go along with the CDs, which I will continue to add to today. And I am still ripping CDs.

I know it’s not Spring, but it’s the end of the year. For me, it’s not always about resolutions for the future, but sometimes about a clearing out of the past. 2013 has been a good year in so many ways, an interesting year in others. But it’s almost done, and there’s a new one on the way. I want to be ready for it.

Happy Almost New Year, Everybody! What’s on your get-done agenda for the next few days?

Posted in Uncategorized

Celebrate with Jen Robinson

Today, at her book page, Jen Robinson talks about the fact that she’s now been blogging for eight years. Hard to believe, but then I also can’t believe that her little girl, “Baby Bookworm,” is so clearly not a baby anymore or that my son, for whom I have used Jen’s page as a great book resources, is heading to college next year. But, yes, okay, sure, it’s been eight years.

This is just a quick post to celebrate Jen and her blog. Jen’s Book Page was one of the first I found when I started reading blogs. Even though, as she says, Jen chose an engineering path and I totally did the English major-Victorian novels-lots of papers route, I connected with Jen over the fact that, as adults, we both still read kids books. A lot. Possibly even the majority of the time. Without a touch of embarrassment. And her passion about and commitment to getting kids reading and sharing the best kidlit with adult readers struck home for me, in a huge way. Jen has also led me to the Cybils awards site, from which I pretty much build my year’s reading list and where I return whenever I run out of something to ready (yes, it happens) or am stuck trying to find a book to gift. And I’m pretty sure Jen is the reason I started blogging, because–if I remember correctly–it was while I was leaving a comment on one of her posts that I thought, “Wow. This is a really long comment. This comment is practically as long as an actual blog post. Hmm. Maybe I should…”

Jen’s reviews are thorough, intelligent, and just detailed enough to get you intrigued without dropping any spoilers. She’s honest about her reaction to a book, sharing what she sees as pluses and minuses. In her post, she mentions the “reviews” she’s written about the books her daughter loves, even when Jen doesn’t always agree. I’m loving these posts, partially because they really show how kids’ tastes can differ from ours, but also because Jen’s thoughts so reflect what all parents go through, who–in trying to pass on their love of books–hit little heffalump traps along the way.

I’m pretty sure that everybody who reads my blog reads Jen’s, but in case you haven’t actually dropped in there yet, do. You’ll be welcomed into a wonderful world of books and reading. And stop by to tell Jen congratulations!

Happy Anniversary, Jen!

Posted in Book Review

Ann M. Martin’s BETTER TO WISH

As usual, I’m a little behind. I found Ann M. Martin’s Better to Wish, Book 1 in her Family Tree series, on the bookmobile shelf, but apparently, Book 2, The Long Way Home, already came out in October. Which makes me happy, because I can keep reading that much sooner.

I didn’t have huge expectations for Better to Wish. I knew it would be a well-written story, because, hey, it’s Ann M. Martin. But between the cover–which I think makes the book look younger and also more simple/simplistic than it is–and the idea of a series highlighting a girl in each generation of a family…well, I just thought it would have more of historical emphasis, that the books would each be used to focus on, even teach, about a period in time, and that the characters in the story might get relatively short shrift.

Not so. Sure, I could tell you that Abby’s story starts during the depression and takes us up and into WWII, and, sure, that has some bearing on the story and the people, but the weight of the book is very much on the characters. And, despite the cover art that makes Abby look pretty bland and boring, she and the rest of the characters are portrayed with strength and depth.

Take Abby’s father. I realize that I am pretty harsh toward story parents who, in my view, fail their story kids. I do find myself wondering whether, as a twelve-year-old girl reading this book way back when, I’d have cut Abby’s dad a little more slack or even veered off, in worry or fear, from the anger he made me feel. I think, though, that Martin has done such a wonderful job drawing him that, even back then, I would have disliked him. Hated him. Wanted to have more power so I could help Abby deal with him. He really is an awful man, with narrow views and a self-centered perspective. And he has the authority to make those views and perspectives the law in his family. To some serious destruction. But he’s not flat. He’s not a moustached villain rubbing his hands and gloating. Martin has played with heroic flaws in reverse–she’s given this villain just a couple of moments in the story when something decent, if not completely good, shows through. These moments don’t make me like him, but they certainly make me believe in him as real.

And Abby herself, in her responses to her father and in her own world views, is real, too. So many of her qualities are “good girl” traits, and that’s a big part of who she is–partially, I felt, because she is the oldest child in a family that needs that role to be filled by someone responsible, but also partly because that is who Abby is. Whether it comes from her mother who, while not strong, does have a kindness Abby’s father lacks, or whether it’s something she is born with, you see Abby taking care of people: her sisters, her mother, and as best she can–her friends. She is living in a world of limits, both because of the era and because of her father. She doesn’t scream and shout; she doesn’t dramatically break down the barriers around her, but she makes little choices and creates little moments that push against them. Until she makes the big one, at which point, the reader is completely and enthusiastically cheering her on.

The other wonderful surprise, for me, was the way Martin has told a story that, despite covering the years from 1930-1945, despite being introduced by older-Abby-of-the-future, and despite a few interjections about this Abby’s memories of the past, doesn’t feel episodic. That was another one of my expectations, as I started reading and saw the structure Martin used. But that expectation soon disappeared. Martin has done a beautiful job of building a plot out of the family’s problems and emotional themes, and of Abby’s growth along those themes. Fifteen years feel tightly strung together and connected, gaps of multiple years bring us right back to the crux of who Abby is and the journey she is on.

This is a highly recommend, folks. Start reading!

Posted in Uncategorized

Friday Five: Five Things about Alice

If you’re my friend on Facebook, right about now you’re probably making that really mature, fake gagging gesture and saying, “Oh, puh-lease! Have we not heard enough about that cat in the last week?!” But for those of you who haven’t seen all the pics and those of you who just, you know, LOVE CATS, let me introduce you to Alice.

Alice01

We went to Humane Society Silicon Valley last Saturday, basically all a-twitter at the possibility of finding a cat, or–you know–being found by a cat, and at the possibility of not finding one. I cannot recommend this shelter enough. The animals went way beyond clean and healthy; they were all happy, relaxed, and friendly. And the people who work there, with the animals, are also happy, relaxed, and friendly! There were lots of cats we could easily have decided to take home.

But I fell in love with Alice.

Five things about Alice.

  • She is bee-yo-ti-ful. I know, I know. beauty is only skin fur deep. But she is. At first I thought she was a funny mix of grey tabby and orange tabby. (No, I wasn’t listening when we did the whole Mendel pea thing in school, so what do I know?!) But then I thought, hey, no, she’s a calico-tabby cross. Because she’s all calico colored, but each patch has tabby stripes. And then someone on Facebook said something about diluted or pastel calicos. So now I think she’s a pastel-calico-tabby cross. It doesn’t really matter, because all they want to know at the vet is that she’s a DSH (Domestic Short Hair).  They probably wouldn’t put DSHT (Domestic Short Hair AND Tail) into the computer, even if I asked nicely.
  • She is probably somewhere between a year and two years old. Old enough to be NOT a kitten (one of my criteria), but young enough to act kitteny a little bit of the time AND to not put us back on the elder-kitty path too soon. I loved, loved, loved our last cat, Lacey, but the past couple of years were pretty stressful. Obviously, I’ll go through that stage again and again with every cat we have, but I am ready to see it as way off in the distance for now.
  • She likes low places and high places. She likes to be under things–under the chair, the coffee table, the couch, the futon in my office. Obviously, part of this is her transitioning into our home and family and just taking shelter to feel quiet and safe. And her time underneath things is already lessening, but she still does it enough that I’ve taken to using the laser pointer to find her–flick that around a couple of times, and out she comes, saving me from having to get down on my knees and peer under all the furniture. She also loves to be up high, though, and she will climb onto your shoulders and use them as a launching pad–she landed on a shelf so high in my office that she accepted my help in getting down, and she was eyeballing the oven hood while she rode around on my son’s back the other day. That would have been interesting to watch…KITTY SLIDE! She is an awesome jumper, which is not making Bard, our cockatiel, the happiest bird on the planet. We’re trying to keep an eye on things, make it more difficult for her to get to his cage, and see if they’ll work out their own relationship.
  • Like most cats, she rejects all the actual toys we offer, and chooses her own playthings. She spends a little time each day “killing” a rope that hangs down under the futon in my office, is making it clear that I can no longer leave hair bands just laying around, and is true to the bag-loving nature of all felines. Where’s Waldo Alice?
  • wheresaliceShe is making me very, very happy.
Posted in Uncategorized

Matchmaking with Books

One thing I love about this time of year is the chance to pick out a book for someone not on my usual supply list. Okay, let’s be honest–for a kid not on my usual list. I’m never happier than when I have a specific child in mind, and I get to sit on the floor of the bookstore and just browse. I take a few things into consideration.

  • Do I like the book? I have bought books for adults that I don’t like, but only when my favorites have proved failures many miserable times.If I’m buying for a child, I really need to think the book is awesomesauce.
  • How long has the book been out? Is it a classic? Some of my favorites are everybody’s favorites, and I figure that ups the chances of a book being one the child already has. I don’t buy anybody Where the Wild Things Are. As wonderful as that book is, I want my gift to open a new door for the child. (I’ll sometimes take a chance with Caps For Sale, because SURPRISINGLY few people seem to know it.)
  • Does the book click with an interest I know the child has? My son was never a reader of animal books. But there are kids who that’s all I know about them-that they will ooh! at any puppy and sit down quietly to let any cat come visit. Dick King-Smith’s books come in very handy here.
  • Can I picture the child reading the book? Or, in the case of a very young child, can I picture the child and a parent or sibling or grandparent (and I’m talking about a specific person that I know reading the book together. Yes, the less I know the child, the bigger the challenge, but it’s one I’m happy to take on.
  • Does the book make me laugh. This is a biggie, especially when I don’t know the child all that well. Because most kids like and want to laugh. And if it’s a picture book, most parents bow down in gratitude to any book or author that lets them laugh while they read it. Humor, to me, crosses all reading borders. My son was a huge fantasy addict, but the few “real-life” books he would pick up and read all the way through were the ones that were funny from page 1?
  • Do I ignore the people offering to wrap the book, because I know my son and husband will want to read it before it gets hidden by paper. And that I’ll probably want to read it through again. Possibly again?

Those are the basics. Sometimes, obviously, I have to take a risk. All I know about the child is their age and, at the very most, let’s say, that they do or don’t like sports. Which does me no good, since my family barely knows that sports exists. Anyway, then I’m out on a limb–especially for an older kid. One who might not even be into reading. Or into it anymore. What do I do then? Well, hey, I put on my I-Know-Best hat and get them something stupendous, something of brilliance, something that has at least a teeny, tiny chance of turning the tide, of lighting or relighting book-love, of giving them a reason to go online and type in those magic words, “If you liked…”

Hey, I can dream.

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Revisiting the Blog…Again

I feel like I do this every year, either in December or January–come around and take another look at what I’m doing with my blog. I just spent an hour or so updating my website (about time!), and–boy–looking around, it was clear that I’m not blogging the way I want to. I’ve heard other people talking about this, from Kelly Fineman to Jen Robinson, both of who’s blogs I read and enjoy. So, once again, I’m trying for a reboot. I’ve got a few questions for you at the end of the post, so read through to the end. Or skip to the end, if you want.

I want to:

  • Blog regularly. At a minimum, once a week.
  • I’m going to blog shorter. Oh, sure, yes, you’ll get a thoughtful, perceptive, in-depth, long-winded post every now and then, but I’m going with the premise that shorter can be better and is definitely faster.
  • I want to do more reviews. If you look at my Reviews page, you’ll see that this isn’t a request for books. But when I fall in love with a book, I’m going to share that love.
  • I’m going to rebuild my blogroll and try to comment more. I have a great reader on my phone (WordPress), so I’ve got no excuse for saying “hi” when I stop by.
  • I’ll share more links to good posts at other blogs. It’s about a community, right? Right.

So those are my goals. And now a few questions for you.

  • Approximately how many blogs do you check in at each week (blogs, not posts)?
  • Do you prefer shorter or longer blog posts?
  • Got any favorite blogs? Please share away!

And in the spirit of my actually making the above list of goals happen, here’s a little Louis for your day…

Posted in Uncategorized

Getting Rid of the Internal…Scheduler

You thought I was going to say Internal Editor, didn’t you? We know that guy–the one that shouts mean thoughts at us from the sidelines. The one that tells us we can’t write, this is a stupid idea (or possibly 30 stupid ideas, if you just finished PiBoIdMo. Which they aren’t, by the way. Stupid, I mean.). Yes, we all know that guy. When he visits alone, I can usually handle him.

But sometimes he brings company. He’s been doing that lately. Maybe his friend shows up more easily in December, along with that feeling of it being time to wind up projects, cross off items on the to-do list. Whatever the reason, she’s been here the past couple of weeks and, frankly, I’m getting pretty sick of her.

She’s the Internal Scheduler. She’s not as hard on my actual writing as the Editor. At least she typically tags the word “yet” onto her comments. Like: “You haven’t got very far…yet.” “This isn’t a very strong revision…yet.”

Where does that “yet” come from? From the Should world. The circle of you-know-where that Dante didn’t bother to mention. The world that says I should have finished these picture books already. The one that says I should have sent more than one revision per meeting to my critique group the past few months. The one that says I should have all of  them ready to submit by the end of the year.

I love December. I really do. I love the weather (it starts to get chilly here in California, but–even in a wet year–the rain isn’t pouring down). I love the holidays–the shopping, the wrapping, the Xmas carols in the stores. And, usually, I love that coming into the turn of the year, that feeling of things being good right now and a new set of possibilities waiting just around the corner.

But I do not like the Internal Scheduler. I do not like the fact that she tries to shove me into a regime, tries to make me think that time alone–those hours in the chair–will produce the story I want to tell. I do not like that she makes me start blaming myself for the things I haven’t accomplished.

So what am I going to do with the Internal Scheduler? Same thing I do with the Editor. Tell her to go away. Disappear. Vamoose. Firmly and not even the littlest bit kindly.

And I’m going to work on my stories. With attention and love and patience.

Posted in Uncategorized

Plodding Through the Painful

This weekend, I’ve had a large chunk of unscheduled time. My husband is traveling, my son had some friends over all afternoon and evening yesterday, and today he’s got a paper to write. I’ve had time for both leisure and revising. It would have been a very easy time to just let go of the revising and wallow in the leisure.

But I’ve been doing too much of that lately. So each afternoon, I’ve pushed myself to get into my office and do some work.

And then, of course, I realized why the wallowing was so tempting.

I’m at some stage where the picture book revision just isn’t coming easily. I’m hoping that means I’m actually getting closer to good, closer to done, but I’m not sure. I could analyze the stories or myself to death, trying to find the why behind the painfulness, but I’ve decided…nope. Enough analyzing. Get working. Yesterday, in the dharma talk that follows my meditation “class,” the teacher talked about how the word dukkha, which is commonly translated as “suffering,” actually has a literal meaning that is something like a wheel in which the axle doesn’t fit well. Roll, roll, clunk. Roll, clunk, roll. Clunk, clunk. You know, that’s life.

And, apparently, this weekend, that’s my revision process. Acknowledging, noting as “not pleasant,” and rolling that silly wheel a little further along.