Plodding Through the Painful

This weekend, I’ve had a large chunk of unscheduled time. My husband is traveling, my son had some friends over all afternoon and evening yesterday, and today he’s got a paper to write. I’ve had time for both leisure and revising. It would have been a very easy time to just let go of the revising and wallow in the leisure.

But I’ve been doing too much of that lately. So each afternoon, I’ve pushed myself to get into my office and do some work.

And then, of course, I realized why the wallowing was so tempting.

I’m at some stage where the picture book revision just isn’t coming easily. I’m hoping that means I’m actually getting closer to good, closer to done, but I’m not sure. I could analyze the stories or myself to death, trying to find the why behind the painfulness, but I’ve decided…nope. Enough analyzing. Get working. Yesterday, in the dharma talk that follows my meditation “class,” the teacher talked about how the word dukkha, which is commonly translated as “suffering,” actually has a literal meaning that is something like a wheel in which the axle doesn’t fit well. Roll, roll, clunk. Roll, clunk, roll. Clunk, clunk. You know, that’s life.

And, apparently, this weekend, that’s my revision process. Acknowledging, noting as “not pleasant,” and rolling that silly wheel a little further along.